The Little Blogdorf: How to Detect Douche Bags Using Music pt. 2

The Little Blogdorf: How to Detect Douche Bags Using Music pt. 2

 

The Thin Line: There is a genre of music that teeters on the border between Cool World and Douche Bagia. They are called Urban Dance Songs and they are wonderful. Whether it is the Dougie, the Bernie, the Thizzle dance, the Jerk, or the Harlem Shake, I love them all and they make me giggle. The Hyphy movement was a magical time in my life. I witnessed rooms full of people dancing around like monkeys trying to shrug off a stun gun. They called it Getting Stupid; I don’t even have a joke for that, that’s what they actually called it.

The Harlem Shake was almost as silly but God knows I could fall asleep to those 6-year-olds in the Missy Elliot videos Harlem Shaking me all the way to Smiley Town in Dream Ville.

The Dougie annoys the sleeping sin out of me and makes me want to bump shoulders with strangers. However, nothing compares to the comedic gold that is the Bernie. It’s based on the movie Weekend at Bernie’s and people are actually doing this dance somewhere (I’m guessing the South?). Take note that there are two ways to like this kind of music: 1. You see how ridiculous it is and you can’t stop laughing AT them. 2. You are a Douche Bag and you actually like this music.

At least the afore mentioned styles of music can be useful in packing a dance floor with real live moving girls. Which may serve as an alibi for DJs. To a degree, tool-bag or not, DJs must play at least some DB music. So in order to detect douchebaggery amongst DJs one must look at the way they are dressed. Sometimes they actually look like techno.

Correspondingly if men want to dance with a lady they are forced to occasionally dance with a smile on their face to the Black Eyed Peas. In turn, not every guy on the dance floor doing the Cupid Shuffle is a D-bag. The telltale in this situation is whether or not the man is lip-syncing or singing along. That is a sure sign that he enjoys this music. Douche-o Bag-o.

At the Little Waldorf you will not find any douchebaggery amongst its employees. That is a promise. DJ Button Push will always find fun music to dance to with the bare minimum amount of DB Jams. If you do hear a DB Jam at the Wal, please don’t blame the DJ, look at the guy who requested the song and there you will find the GD DB.

* I would be chagrined to leave out a small list of musicians that are themselves card-carrying members of the Order of Douche.

Famous DB “musicians”: Rascal Flatts (they don’t make country music, they make horrible rock music), Kenny Chesney (pooka-shells and bicep implants), Nickel Back/Buck Cherry (pretty sure they are the same thing).